The Second of the 9 Lessons to Help Overcome Negative Situations

In my previous Blog, I wrote about the first lesson in my 9 Lessons to Help Overcome Negative Situations. That was Leave it alone and it’s gonna get worse. You may remember, I was truly afraid to go to the doctor with increasingly bad medical symptoms that I had been experiencing for about 3 years. I was afraid of what the doctor would find. Stupid, huh? When I finally went, the doctor found that I had bladder cancer and that , because I left it alone for so long, it had spread to other parts of my body. So remember, leave any negative situation alone and it’s probably going to get worse.
Today I am writing about the second lesson of the 9 Lessons to Help Overcome Negative Situations.
So, how do you get yourself to take the first step to handle the situation when you are really afraid to do that. Well, it’s simple but not easy. You need to ‘Trick Yourself Into Taking the First Step and Everything Else Will Follow Automatically (Unless you Stop It). I know it sounds a little crazy to be talking about tricking yourself but that’s what I found was the best way to get things started for me.
When my symptoms became so bad that I knew I had to do something about them, I blamed them on being overweight. I decided to see my doctor to get a diet sheet and some herbal stuff that had helped me lose weight in the past. Deep down inside, though, I knew it was something other than my weight. Even when I was sitting in his office telling him that all I needed was his diet sheet and herbal remedies, I was still afraid to tell him the real reason I was there. Just as I was walking out of his room (I was seconds away from a clean getaway), I finally turned to him and forced myself to tell him my symptoms and ask if there was a non-invasive way he could check to see what was wrong with me.
He told me that he could do a urine test, I told him that I wanted him to do it and there it was. I had tricked myself into going to see him about my weight when, in fact, I wanted to tell him my symptoms so he could tell me that there was really nothing to worry about.
Everything, after that – an operation, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and loads of other things that I’ll write about in another post, followed on automatically. The ball was rolling and it was going to continue to roll unless I stopped it.
So, my question to you is, Is there anything in your life that you know you should do something about but are just leaving it alone? Is there anything that is just getting worse and worse for you. My suggestion to you is maybe you should trick yourself into taking the first step to handling the situation. After all, once you take the first step everything will follow automatically unless you stop it.

9 Lessons to Help Overcome Negative Situations

People that know me know that when I turned 60 my body started giving me loads of trouble. I’m sure that none of the medical problems happened instantaneously. In fact I know they didn’t. I mean I have led a very interesting life. I believe in working hard and playing hard so it’s been great. However, when 60 came along I believe my body finally said, “OK Richard, it’s time to pay”. I mean, I was diagnosed with Cancer, fought that and beat it. My Aortic Valve stopped working very effectively so I had that replaced with a pig valve. Four of my arteries were close to being completely stopped up and I had those bypassed and now 2 of the vertebrae in my back needs to be fused. I’m starting to wonder if all that ‘hard playing’ was worth it. By the way, after thinking about it for 5 seconds, I’ve come to the conclusion that it was.

Taking care of these challenges over the last 9 years or so has provided me with the opportunity to learn a number of lessons that I believe can be applied not only to health issues but other types of issues, such as, business, relationships, etc. So I thought I would just list the lessons learned in this article and cover each one in more detail in future articles. Hope you stick with me on this because these are some good lessons. So here goes

1. Leave it along and it’s gonna get worse
2. Trick yourself into taking the first step – everything else will follow automatically (Unless you stop it)
3. Learn as much as you can about the situation
4. Take control of the situation – don’t let it take control of you
5. Identify and overcome your fears
6. Make use of your family, friends and colleagues
7. Do whatever you can to overcome the situation
8. Have goals for the future but live and celebrate today
9. Be grateful for every positive thing that happens

The next article will be about the 1st lesson learned – Leave it alone and it’s gonna get worse.

Thanks for reading and please look for the next article to come out next week.

Have a great day.

Richard M

Certification Doesn’t Make a Project Manager

The Project Management Institute (PMI) and the Association of Project Management Group (APMG) are two of the biggest reasons that projects fail. They have sold the myth to the corporate world and to their certification customers that successful completion of their certification tests and the addition of Project Management Professional (PMP) after their name or adding PRINCE2 Certified on their Resume or Curriculum Vitae makes them a Project Manager. Companies believe the myth. They believe that when they hire a certified Project Manager, they are getting someone who is truly a successful Project Management Professional not just a newly graduated student. So when they hire project managers, just about the first requirement they put in their job specification is that the person needs to be a PMP or PRINCE2 professional. The truth is that Project Management certification does not make the student a Project Manager. I’m not in any way saying that becoming certified is a bad thing.

In fact, I believe it is a very good way for potential project managers to learn the basics of Project Management. What certification does is teach the person the mechanics of Project Management tools and techniques. And, although it teaches them how to use them from a mechanical standpoint, it really doesn’t teach them how to use them in the overall context of their project, when to use them, how to modify them due to circumstances or, in fact, when not to use them at all. And it doesn’t recognize or teach them what is really about 80% of the Project Management success equation which I’ll cover later in this article.

PMI started certifying Project Managers in 1969 and PRINCE was established by the Central Computer and Telecommunications Agency (CCTA) in the UK in 1979. This was just about the time that independent surveys showed that approximately 70% of all IT Projects failed when measured against the criteria of cost, schedule and expectations. Since then, PMI and the APMG say that they have worked with and certified over 550,000 people as either Project Management Professionals or PRINCE2 certified Project Managers. PMI have over 270 chapters in over 70 countries. the APMG are in over 20 countries. PMI have sold over 2 million copies of PMBOK – the Guide during that period of time. The APMG has sold approximately 1 million copies of their PRINCE Manuals. PMI and APMG are making wheelbarrows of money off of the certification myth. In addition, a huge network of companies, organizations, associations are also involved. A very large industry has been built up over the years based on certification. With all of this training, certification, book sales going on, surveys now show that approximately 70% of all IT Projects fail. What! If, as claimed, becoming a PMP or a PRINCE2 certified person makes one a Project Manager and over a half a million people have been certified as Project Managers why are projects still failing at the 70% rate?

In addition, millions of dollars have been spent over the last 30 to 35 years on the project manager, on training, on certification, on Project Management Processes and Procedures and on other project management tools and techniques and still approximately 70% of all IT projects are failing. That tells me that successful Project Management must depend on something other than competence in those project Management tools, techniques, processes, procedures and certification.

In my experience from working on and successfully managing some of the most visible projects over the last 40 years, including the Apollo Program, the Trident Submarine, The Cruise Missile, computerization of the British Income Tax System, other major programs for some of the largest companies in the world along with the rescue of a $600M program for the UK Government, what I’ve found is that good project management processes and procedures must not only be in place for projects to be successful but the Project Manager must truly understand how and when to use them and modify them, if required. Without a doubt, Project Managers must understand and be experienced in the hard skills of Planning, Organizing, Monitoring and Controlling their projects. PMI and PRINCE2 certification is certainly a very good way to learn these hard skills. However, I believe that these hard skills are only about 20% of the success equation.

The much bigger part of the equation, the 80%, are the soft skills, the attitudes and behaviors, that the Project Manager should have and practice. These soft skills include, but are not necessarily limited to, enthusiasm, energy, commitment to success, commitment to excellence; good communication skills – knowing what to say, when to say it, how to say it and when to shut-up; good interpersonal skills, approachability, self-motivation, the ability to motivate the project team, good team building skills, a go-for-it attitude, a no-problem attitude, a go-the-extra-mile attitude and a good sense of humor. None of these soft skills are really part of the PMBOK and aren’t really required for PMP or PRINCE2 certification. I’m a true believer in the song title, “It ain’t what you do, it’s the way that you do it.”

By all means, I think potential project managers should work to get certified because certification will teach them the hard skills foundations. But they shouldn’t believe nor should the PMI or the APMG continue advertising that certification makes a person a Project Manager. The real way and the only way to being a true Project Manager and to lower the project failure rate is to ensure that our Project Managers are not only proficient in the hard skills of Planning, Organizing, Monitoring, and Controlling their projects but that they, also, have and continue to practice the soft skills. You’ll start to see the changes when companies advertising for project managers start off the requirements list with the soft skills requirements and finish up with the hard skills. After all, a person can be taught the hard skills a lot easier than the soft skills attitudes and behaviors.

Turn Your Job Search Into a Project

Recently I was asked to make a presentation to a group of unemployed IT workers on the subject of how to go about finding a job. I thought about it and decided that the best way to go about it is to treat the job search as a project.  No, not one of the 70% of projects that fail but rather one of the 30% or so that succeed. So how do you go about that.

Well, the first thing that you need to do is to become your own Project Manager. You are in charge. You make the decisions. Sometimes you need to discuss possible options with others that are or will be affected by your decisions but in the final outcome, you decide.

Once you have accepted that you are the Project Manager you must put successful Project Management Strategies at work on the project. These are strategies that most successful Project Managers practice in the delivery of their projects. These strategies include

• Defining the Kind of Job You Want

Technical , management or sector area. Full or part-time? Salary requirements? Start-up, small, big or massive company? Geographical area? Ok with Commuting? How far? Will I move? Other things to consider? Define in detail.

• Putting a Plan in Place To Get the Kind of Job You Want

What are the actions you need to take to get that job? What is the process you will put in place to complete the actions? How are you going to find the opportunities? What are you going to do to get the interview? How are you going to be different?

• Organising Yourself to Be Successful in Your Quest

Establish a work space dedicated to your job search. Organize yourself around your job hunting process established in your plan. This is a job. Treat it like one. Office hours, etc. Run errands after work hours. Resume up to date? Need help in writing one? Check out e-lance.com.

• Gaining and Maintaining Commitment to your Job Hunting Project

Make a list of all affected by this project. Wife? Husband? Partner? Children? Do they understand what you are intending to do and how you are intending to do it? Are they committed to helping you make it happen? Committed to your working day? Your office space? How can they help you be successful?

• Taking Massive Action

Action does not equal achievement! Action to your plan does. Massive is the key word. Sense of urgency! Discouraged? Don’t be. Every ‘no’ gets you closer to a ‘yes’. If plan is not working? Change the plan. Change the process. Get dressed for work. Don’t work in your pajamas. Be unique. Stand out! Follow every lead. Submit a proposal of what you can do for companies that you would like to work with. Sell them on what you can do for them. Be different.

• Monitoring and Controlling Your Planned Activities

Keep excellent records. For example, track the opportunity, action taken, contact details, date resume sent, follow-up date, follow-up contact made and when, outcome of contact, next steps, comments, etc. Measure how well you are doing. If need be change your plan and tracking information.

• Staying Focused on Your Goal and Your Plan

Ensuring that you and all those affected by your goal stay focused on being successful in your job quest. Trouble staying focused? Set your alarm. Work 2 hours and then take 15 or 20 minute break. Persevere! “Keep on keeping on”. Repeat your goal twice a day. Visualise getting up, dressing, driving to work, being successful at work and driving home. Visualise getting your paycheck.

• Enjoying Life

Remember, “This too will pass.” Sometimes you just have to get away from it all – put aside looking for the right opportunity, making sure that your resume is up to date, visiting the job sites, the worry of no work, etc. Just get away, even for a little while. Take in a movie or go on a picnic with the family, visit friends or go somewhere where ‘everybody knows your name’. Chill out. Remember to stay   positive but also to take action. People are drawn to positive people.

Follow the Project Management strategies and  just know that you will find a job soon

A Celebration of Jake

October 5th, 1997 – March 22nd 2011 My Handsome Boy – He was ‘The Dog’

Jake When we moved from London to the country to the New House Barn, Linda said that we needed a dog. But, I told her that I didn’t want one. And after a prolonged on-and-off discussion she said that I was probably right – we didn’t really need a dog.  I just knew that I had won the war. However, what I didn’t realize at that time was that I had only won a battle. The war was far from over. About a month later, in December of 1997, Linda told me that Eileen, a friend of ours, knew where there was a new litter of black Labrador retriever puppies and she would like to go see them. She understood that we were not going there to buy one but she loves little puppies and she just wanted to have a look. I thought what harm could come of that. After all, we both had to agree to get one and I definitely didn’t want a dog around the house. So we went to see the litter. The mother of the litter was very friendly and seemed very happy to see us. She was jumping around us with her tail wagging and with a dog smile on her face. And there, in a circular enclosure on the porch, was what Linda had come to see- 8 little balls of black fur. As she bent down to pick one up, I told her don’t you dare pick up a puppy.  Don’t you dare. Because, if she did, I knew the discussion would start up all over again. And as usual, as she always listened to me, she bent down and picked up one of the little black fluff balls. After much ohhing and ahhing she reached out to give the puppy to me. Now, I didn’t just come over on the boat. I knew this way to close a sale even if she didn’t. It’s called the ‘puppy dog’ close. Once they get the product in your hands you’re not going to want to give it back. No way. So, here we were looking at the puppies and Linda was about to pull the ‘puppy dog’ close on me. I told her that no way would I hold that puppy. No way! She said, Come on, just for a minute. So, I thought, I’m smart. I know what’s going on here. I don’t have to succumb to this unplanned trickery. So, lay it on me, Linda, give me that puppy. Well, she did. He was a little ball of black fluff and he fit in my cupped hands.Then an amazing thing happened. I looked down at him, he looked up at me and we fell in love immediately. I named him Jake and he has been my fantastic friend, companion and soul mate since he was 8 weeks old.. We now have 4 Labradors but Jake was the most naughty. We had to buy a new kitchen table and chairs because he nibbled on the legs, he nibbled on loads of our shoes and he almost put a hole in the Sheetrock wall trying to gnaw his way out of the kitchen where we kept him at night and into the living room. None of this mattered. In fact, it added to the charm. I loved him. In fact, loads of people loved Jake. To know Jake was to love him. He saw me through my bout with cancer. In the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep, when I got up and sat in the living room, Jake was with me. When I started to ‘tear up’ thinking of my situation, Jake would jump up on the couch with his tail wagging, start licking me and stop me from crying. When I came home from my Chemo treatments and was feeling nauseated he would lie quietly next to me on the bed and every now and then poke me with his nose to make sure I was OK and to let me know that he was still there. When I had my heart and aortic valve surgery, Jake was there to welcome me home with a slightly toned down exuberance. It was almost like he knew that I had to be treated a little gentler than usual. In fact, that was one of Jake’s trademarks. Whenever he wanted something he would poke either Linda or me and then it was up to us to work out what he wanted – to go out (I had to stand on the deck because he wanted the company), clean water(he always had clean water  but he wanted me to take him to it), or food (until he was about 8 years old I fed him by hand). Yes, he was spoiled but so what! I know, without a doubt, Jake gave more to Linda and me than we ever gave to him. Since we moved from England to North Carolina Jake has spent most of the time during the day as my office companion. He loved being on his bed in my office. As he got older his hips started bothering him, he developed arthritis, his joints were giving him problems and he started having trouble going up and down stairs. He also started having trouble walking. We built a ramp going up to our back porch (our back door is about 9 feet off the ground) but the ramp was painful for him also. Having said that he still would force himself to come upstairs so that he could sleep with us. If I put a gate at the bottom of the stairs so that he couldn’t come up the stairs, he would sit at the bottom of them and cry until I let him come up. Yesterday morning I tried to get him to get off the bed to go outside and do his business but he couldn’t get up. He couldn’t stand. The vet came and checked him out and found that his left front elbow had basically crumbled because of the Arthritis. He would have to be carried anywhere he needed to go. He wet and soiled himself. On top of that, he wouldn’t eat or drink anything. His quality of life was awful. He was in terrible pain. He was a proud and handsome dog and I just couldn’t see him continuing to live like this. He had been loyal to me all of his life and it was now time for me to be loyal to him and to do what was necessary. As he passed, I hugged him, looked into his eyes and told him I loved him. Linda hugged him and said the same. He closed his eyes and within seconds became a spirit that will always remain in our hearts. Here’s to Jakey and as we always used to say to him, “And his name? Jakey-boy-baby” Richard and Linda March 22nd, 2011

A Reminder on Delivering Successful IT Projects.

In all of my audits and reviews of Information Technology (IT) project failures – large and small, we have found that the top reason for failure is the lack of agreed and controlled requirements. In other words, the project team did not have a clear picture of what the customer wanted the team to build and deliver. And, in cases where there had been a clear picture of the requirements at some time early on in the project, changes to that clear picture were made but were not controlled properly.

I know that Agile calls for a different method of development than I’m covering here. My take on agile is that it is good for small development projects but could start to run into trouble when attempting to deliver  large projects. I do believe in breaking the project down into small incremental deliveries, but different from Agile, this should be done  only after you have the requirements defined. I also believe that user or customer involvement throughout the project is critical for success. At any rate….

I’ve always tried to work out why a Team of people would start building something before they knew what it was they were supposed to build or before they had a clear picture of what it is they were supposed to deliver. It’s just plain foolish, isn’t it? It’s easy to see how foolish it is if you were dealing with a builder that you had hired to build your house. Before he started, you would definitely have blueprints, specs, etc. for the builder to follow. In addition, you would have agreed the cost and the delivery date. I know you wouldn’t just tell the builder to start without both of you understanding and agreeing the plans, specifications, costs and schedule.

So why do IT people do it? Why do IT Teams start building before they have it locked down as to what it is they must build? Let’s take a look at a number of reasons why I think they do.

One reason is that Senior Management, in most cases, are pushing for a delivery date that is usually very tight and usually not particularly feasible. So Project Managers feel like they need to take some short cuts to deliver on time. And one of the short cuts is to start working on what they believe they have to deliver before what they are supposed to deliver is documented and agreed.

Another reason is that the development team thinks that they know what the customer wants and, therefore, they think they can get a head start and begin working on it before they finish discussing and documenting what the customer really wants.

Another reason is that there is no process in place that defines how to go about delivering a project and, therefore, the Project Manager makes it up as he or she goes along and decides that a Requirements Document is not needed.

Starting work on a project before you know what it is that you are supposed to deliver at the end is almost always a mistake – A big mistake. Why do I say almost always instead of always? Well, I can guarantee you that if I said always instead of almost always, someone would come up with an example that proves it should have been almost always.

So, take the time to get a Requirements Document prepared, agreed and signed by at least the developers and the customer. File it in the project library and put it under strict Change Control.

Some of the benefits of doing this include  the following:

• You start off the project knowing what it is that you need to deliver,
• It provides you with a firm baseline on which to develop your cost and schedule estimates,
• It provides you with the basis for evaluating future proposed changes,
• It provides you with the basis for the preparation of System Test Specifications, and
• It helps in the communication process between you, the development team, and the client.

And last, but not least, it helps you, the project manager, deliver a successful project.

Thanks and Have a Great Day,

 

Richard

Turn Your New Year’s Resolutions into a Project

If you’re like me, you have had a few challenges with achieving your New Year’s resolutions. Willpower, lack of focus, not really your resolution but one that someone else thought would be good for you, not knowing how to go about achieving the resolution. These are all things that have kept me from being as successful as I would have liked to have been in the past. So what can we do to be successful in achieving our New Year’s Resolution? Last year I decided to attack my resolutions a little differently. I decided to turn them into a Project and to use Project Management and Goal Setting techniques to successfully achieve my Resolutions. After all, I am a Project Manager. The process you should go through is as follows:

1. Document your resolution in as much detail and as specifically as possible. In other words, identify what it is that you want to happen and by when.
2. Identify at least 3 reasons why you want to achieve each resolution. The more ‘whys’ you can come up with, the better chance you have of being successful. (If you can’t come up with at least 3 ‘whys’ then maybe this really isn’t your resolution)
3. Consider each resolution and identify the actions you will need to take to achieve it.
4. Identify how these actions relate to each other and schedule their completion as part of an Achievement Plan for each resolution.
5. Gather together each of the Achievement Plans into a Resolutions Achievement Plan(RAP).
6. Include a review of the RAP activities as part of your normal day-to-day planning process and include necessary activities into your normal Activity Planner.
7. Monitor the achievement of your actions on a timely basis. Take whatever action is necessary to stay on target and keep your RAP up to date.

Let me give you 4 hints on how to keep yourself motivated and focused on achievement.

1. Read your resolutions and the reasons why you want to achieve them at least once a day and preferably twice.
2. Visualize yourself having already achieved the resolution and while you are reading them put that vision in your head.
3. Get a buddy, let them know what you are doing and ask them to help hold you to your RAP by asking for achievement information.
4. Whenever you are trying to do something or not do it ask yourself this question, “Will doing this take me closer to or further away from achieving my resolutions?” Once you get that answer decide whether you want to do it or not.

The last thing is to ‘Have Fun’ doing this, remember to enjoy the day-to-day journey and you will have a much greater chance of achieving whatever it is that you truly want to achieve in 2009. Good Luck and Have Fun.

Let me know how things turn out.

Richard



Leave it Alone, It’s Gonna Get Worse

In the late 80′s and early 90′s I had a project management consultancy business and towards the beginning of 1993 we started growing very quickly and we started having a cash flow problem. I left it alone.  I did almost nothing. I don’t know why I did almost nothing. Maybe, it was because I felt that what I had done in establishing the business and growing it was easy and if this one went away I could do it again. Maybe it came too easy. Who knows? Then we started having a problem paying the tax man and I left it alone. Again, I did very little about it. I guess I thought it would eventually take care of itself. But it didn’t and in 1993 we had to shut our doors on a business with an annual revenue of approximately $4,000,000.00 when we started having trouble

In the early 2000′s I started having some problems with my ‘water works’ to put it delicately. Over a period of approximately 2 years, I was having to get up 5 or 6 times during the night to go to the bathroom and during the day, when I had to go, I had to go! The situation was that I had better find a place fast or it was all over. I have gone on the side of busy highways, in the middle of the city of London, in every fast food place there was on my commute route into London, in parking lots and, although I’m embarrassed to admit it, when I just couldn’t find a place or when I was in a traffic jam, you know where. (I’m trying to relate this in a non-gross way yet give you the full picture.) I left it alone and put off going to the doctor because, and this was pretty stupid, I was afraid of what he was going to find and I convinced myself that it was a re-occurring kidney infection.

Then, for approximately a year or so, I would intermittingly pass blood in my urine and, again, I left it alone, convincing myself that it was just the kidney infection and eventually it would go away. The intermittent traces of blood soon became clots and they could not be ignored any longer although I had to trick myself in going to the doctor. I convinced myself that I was going to the doctor to pick up a diet sheet from a diet he recommends. It was just when I was walking out of his office  that I got up enough courage to ask if there was some kind of non-invasive way he could test to see if I had Cancer. He said he did and, rather than go into the whole story, I did the test and instead of  it just being a kidney infection or having a minor infection, etc., I had multiple malignant tumors in my bladder and the Cancer had spread to the lymph nodes in my groin. I left it alone and the tumors in my bladder only got worse.

This lesson is implanted firmly in my brain. You can’t leave negative situations alone because if you do they will only get worse. You must take control of the situation and do something to take care of it before it gets worse.

So my question to you is what negative situation in your life are you leaving alone? Could it be a relationship situation? A situation at work with a colleague? A situation with your boss? A financial situation? A negative situation with your health? Or some other negative situation where you’re listening to your head telling you to leave it alone and it will go away instead of listening to what your heart is telling you. And that is to take care of it.

Believe me. Leave it alone and it’s gonna get worse.

Richard

Break It Down To Overcome the Fear

When people hear the ‘C’ word – Cancer, they think of the ‘D’ word – Death. People with Cancer are not only in fear for what the Cancer is doing to their body and their future but a large percentage of these patients are fearful of the treatments that they have to go through. Scans, MRIs, Radiotherapy, Chemotherapy and other treatments can be scary and sometimes so scary to the point of the patient not being able to accept the treatment or having a truly difficult time.

It’s just natural that some people will be afraid of their treatments. Normally, they are not in the best emotional state. They’ve been diagnosed with a dreaded disease. They know that they have to go through the treatment if they have any chance of beating this disease but they are still afraid. Their fear level is very high. I think the real reason that people are afraid of going through the treatments is that they do not know what is going to be done, how it’s going to be done, how long it’s going to take, whether there is any pain involved, etc. Although some people don’t want to know what is going to happen, I believe that most people do want to know.

So what can people do to handle their fear, get the treatment they need and help their medical team get the job done? One of the ways of overcoming the fear is to break the entire day that you are going to get the treatment down into small steps including the treatment steps.  I’m talking about all of the steps you have to take during the day leading up to going to the hospital for the treatment and all the steps that are taken during and after the treatment. You’ll need to speak with the medical staff to help you identify the treatment steps. For each step, identify what is going to be done during this step, how it’s going to be done, how long it’s going to take and if there is any pain involved. Then rate each of those steps from 1 to 5 in terms of how much fear each of them generates in you. For instance, the first step, as shown in the example below would probably be to ‘wake up in the morning ‘. In terms of how much fear that generates, that is probably a 1. In other words, it generates no fear whatsoever.  In fact, you could use a form with the headings as shown below. I’ve also provided a few examples of analyzed steps.

Step Number	Step	How Done	How Long	Any Pain	Fear Number
1	Wake up	Alarm clock	10 minutes	None	1
35	Cover me with tissue paper	Tissue is laid over my body – very light, can’t feel it – feels like I’m exposed	1 minute	None	4
36	Nurses leave room	Exits through side door into control room	1 minute	None	2
37	Prepare to take x-ray	Working in control room – I’m left alone	3 minutes	None	3
38	Take first x-ray	On Radiotherapy table – must lay very still	2 minutes	None	4

 

I believe that you probably get the picture. Now. Once you have completed your Step List and your analysis of each of the Steps, you should have a much better idea of what steps are causing you fear. and you should be able to identify what could be done to move the Fear Number from a 3, 4 or 5 to a 1 or a 2. You then could discuss with your medical team the things that need to be done to lessen your fear, make it easier for them to provide the treatment and for you to receive it. This allows you to be in control of your treatment and to play an active part with your medical team. The truth is that you will probably never be able to be totally fear free but you will be able to handle the scarier treatments a lot better than you thought you would.

Let me give you a couple of examples of what I mean by looking at what could be done to lessen the fear. In the example above, Step number 35, the fear is that you feel like you are exposed and even though they say you are covered up with the tissue paper, you can’t feel it. What’s the solution? Maybe they could put a heavier blanket on you and tape it down or maybe they could just tape the tissue over you so that you could feel it. If that could be done then your fear would go from a 4 to a 1 or 2. Problem solved. Let’s look at Step 37 – Prepare to take the x-ray and what causes you the fear is that you are left alone.  What’s the solution? If one of the nurses could stay with you until they were ready to take the x-ray, that would alleviate some of the anxiety of being alone – move it from a 3 to a 1 or a 2. Or maybe they can’t do that but they can continue to speak with you from the control room. That, too, would alleviate some of the anxiety. Again, move it from a 3 to a 1 or 2. That problem is solved.

As I said, I don’t think you will ever be totally anxiety free but this approach will go a long way towards lessening that anxiety. I know it takes a little work to get it done but if it does the job it’s worth it. I know it works, by the way.  I used this technique to get through my CT Scans, my Radiotherapy Planning and my Radiotherapy Treatments when I had Cancer in 2003. The examples above came from my own list of Steps. I truly believe that this technique actually got me through those treatments.

the US and the UK – Two Nations Divided by a Common Language

You know, they say that the UK and the US are two nations divided by a common language. And that is absolutely true. Words in the US mean different things than words in the UK and vice versa.

For instance, the first time I was in a pub (probably the first day I was in the UK – I can’t remember so I must have had a good time) I asked the barmaid  where the bathroom was – I got a blank stare, OK could you please tell me where your rest room is, another blank stare. Finally, the barmaid said to me, Would you like to know where the toilet is? Well, yes. Of course, I didn’t want to take a bath or rest, I wanted to use the toilet but I didn’t want to put it right out there in the open. I mean, at least when you ask for the restroom or the bathroom you’re not just coming out there and saying what you have to do in front of everybody. I mean it’s just that I’ve never been so direct before. It took me a few months before I was comfortable asking for the toilet.

Sometimes British people can be so direct. You know, most Americans like to, kind of, sneak up on things. I’ll never forget the secretary putting together an office supply shopping list. Besides asking me how many pencils, pens and how much paper I needed, she just came right out there and asked me, in front of everybody, how many rubbers I needed for the month. That was right out in the open where everybody could hear and I was wondering if she was propositioning me or something. I was really embarrassed until one of my workmates explained that she was talking about erasers. That the word rubber in the UK means erasers. Then I was really embarrassed. Again, it took me months and many times kind of beating around the bush before I could ask the secretary for a rubber. Whew!

Another thing, say you were looking for your cricket bat (We’ll get to cricket in another blog) and you asked your partner if she knew where it was. And she said, the last time I saw it,  it was in your boot. You might be looking around to see where your boots were or who was wearing boots or whatever. And, of course, we all know what she is talking about it is in the trunk of your car. Boot equals trunk.

Then there is that beautiful word – penultimate! It’s a really nice word, isn’t it? I love the word penultimate. I can’t believe that I was so uneducated that I could go all the way until I was 38 before I heard the word and knew what it meant. Penultimate! P-E-N-U-L-T-I-M-A-T-E. Penultimate! It means ‘second to last’. It’s just that penultimate sounds better than second to last. Maybe classier. Saying penultimate sounds like you are better educated than saying second to last. I think you should use penultimate as often as you can. I can’t think of any time that penultimate could not be used when you mean second-to-last. Well, It might not work in NASCAR, saying how about that 48 car, Huh! That car was the penultimate car over the finish line. I’m not sure what would happen to you in the grandstands. However, I’m telling you. Use penultimate all you can – sounds great and will make it look like you are educated. So, Until next time …

 

Have a great day,

Richard